Poolside Percy

I'm cycling home after running a wee errand. My route as per usual is taking me across Hampstead Heath, I'm always on the way to, crossing or passing the Heath. It's time for a late dip in The Men's Pond. The sun is setting on another glorious day in London, I'm going to catch the last few rays if I hurry. I break my usual routine and swim across the incredibly warm and silky water to the pond's last sunny spot. I turn to watch as the sun settles snuggly between the uppermost branches of a large tree. I make like Bob in the warmth of the gorgeous sunset then do a big length and a huge pre-pondathon lap before heading home.  I consider myself a lucky person and thank myself for making the effort.

Water temp: 23 degrees Wow, where did all the people go? It's 5:50, it's still warm, OK it's a bit cloudy, but the Lido is almost empty, wicked. There's probably not enough time to swim a mile but I'm gonna give it a go anyway. The sun comes out and joins me for the first few lengths. My body feels a bit shredded after a serious New York fitness DVD session in Norfolk. My lungs have sort of recovered after a few days away from London's pollution. A whopping great black cloud looms on my horizon. I eventually end up doing 22 lengths. I narrowly avoid a massive shower as I cycle through Highgate.

I'm on holiday in very sunny, very beautiful Norfolk, some place between Hunstanton and Brancaster. We cycle every day to the big open beach, you've never seen such a big blue expanse of sky. There's hardly any wind so great for frisbee chucking and general lazing around. Only real problem is the tide goes out for bloody miles. JoBee and her hubby come to visit on Friday. She's a great swimmer, she powers past me, I try and keep up with her, but she aint stopping, we swim out quite a long way. In the distance we can see a sandbank and decide to swim out to it, it doesn't seem that far. The more we swim towards it the further away it seems. We stop and have our doubts as to how far it actually is, we can just about see a huge silver seal sunbathing and a few birds on the sandbank. Land ahoy, it's Noah and Nelly. We neglected to bring a flag, but we name our new territory Sandland. The sandbank stretches for miles, I imagine myself in Frank Herbert nove...

Monday post-work swim. London is hot, hot, hot. Hottest day of the year. Lots of men and boys cooling off at the pond this evening. Big queue for the springboard, I dive off the side. Dan is there, it feels like I'm stalking him. I'm feeling a little lazy. I've signed up for the Pondathon, it's only five or six weeks away, I'm never gonna make it round unless I get my act together. I decide to swim a big lap, 340 metres, I really put my mind to this one. Despite my awkward goggleless strokes I make it round fairly easily if not a little out of breath. I perform an adequate dive and feel more confident about The Pondathon.

River Thames nr Sonning Day out in sunny Berkshire with Lola We followed the towpath down from Sonning and found this great spot to make camp by the river Thames. The occasional boat/launch/canoe/yacht chuddered past, we waved at each and every one of them. I don't do the jealousy thing, my life is full of equal riches. We dined on croissants, apricots, strawberries and grapes as the river flowed lazily by. When the afternoon sun got unbearably hot we ventured in to the cool water. We paddled up and down and had a mid-stream talk with a solo canoeist. I half expected David Walliams to come round the bend in the river at any moment. I felt like a proper wild swimmer, a small dot in the great watery expanse. A final afternoon swim was prohibited by this solo swan. Every time I put my toes in the water he/she would speed effortlessly over to investigate the strange creature in the river. No way was I going to ask if I could share their river and I wasn't going to get ...

09:45 at Parliament Hill Lido Water temp: 24/25 degrees I've taken the day off work as it's national spend the day at the Lido day, did you miss that one? I wake up early, the sky is blue, the colour of The Lido waters. I'm poolside by 08:30. The pool has been divided in to three lanes, the Lido is wide, a width is longer than your normal length, so the lanes are vast, four-five swimmers deep. I nab my favourite spot, it's a bit early for my favourite spot, it's in shade, well I'm planning to spend the whole day here. It's 09:30, I've swam 16 lengths, the pool closes for half an hour while we change sessions. The sun is marching up in to the sky with real intensity and purpose. I'm hungry, need breakfast, let's check out the gastronomic delights of the Cafe, the seventies delight of the Lido Cafe, they serve breakfast these days, I fancy scrambled eggs, the lady looks confused and suggests fried. I sit at a table, eat and watch the lifeg...

Water temp: 24 degrees Cool and cloudy Saturday morning swim time. Despite my wheezy chest and last night's tequila I manage to run this morning, not very fast tho'. I seek refuge afterwards in the Mixed Pond. Dan the lifeguard is here as ever, he can see the wretchedness in my face and stance. The water feels cool and refreshing, rejuvenating. I forget about my worries as I glide up and down the pond, I feel almost normal again. I pay my final respects to Highgate Garden Centre before heading home.

Early evening swim with my son. Hottest day of the year, clouds parked themselves infront of the sun just as we arrived. We spent time swimming laps and lots of diving. I got an 8.5 which makes me very proud. I can't do the bouncy thing at the end of the springboard, I leave that for the next generation. There's a sign up saying no wetsuits after 10am, I'm sure it's not a sartorial thing. Cycled round my sister's for pasta and some delicious fig vinegar and tasty Italian parmesesan cheese. Yum.

Another post work trip to the Men's Pond. Sat for ages in the changing rooms afterwards, too tired to move.

Much needed post work Monday swim. My post swim sunbathe was spoilt by the incessant sexist bigotry of some of my fellow swimmers.

Hot town, summer in the city Back of my neck getting dirty and gritty Been down, isn't it a pity Doesn't seem to be a shadow in the city After a hard day's painting and varnishing, DW and I thought we'd try and squeeze in to the Lido. Unfortunately 3000 other people had the same idea before us, we couldn't get in. Undeterred we headed to the men's pond. We were greeted by this teeming fleshpot. No way were we joining this sweaty queue, so we decided to go home. Luckily, the back gate was open and we saw people swimming from the banks, we decided to join them. We soon realised there were women swimming in the men's pond, you're welcome. I bet we wouldn't be welcome in their pond. A female friend told me recently that she reported a man sunbathing at the Ladies Pond but was horrified when the lifeguard assured her it was a woman. Despite the chaos we had a good swim. The crowds on the banks cheered every dive and bellyflop, I did feel a littl...

Water temp: clean and serene Gorgeous late Friday afternoon in London. Dropped by the men's pond on the way home from work. Swam a couple of sublime laps. Chatted to Dan the Lifeguard Man. Caught the last 10 minutes of sunshine. Went home to play FIFA 2013 with DW. Paraguay beat North Korea in a thrilling match, last minute penalty in injury time sealed a 4-3 victory for yours truly.

Water temp: perfect It's a cloudy and slightly chilly, pollen filled July morning. I pedal from Primrose Hill to the ponds on Hampstead Heath. There's a serious amount of chatter in the changing rooms, someone has published a book, no it's an exhibition, I kayaked up a mountain, I've just returned from the south of France, her brownies were divine. Put ya pants on mate. Now, the only question on my mind as I saunter along the springboard is why don't I swim here more often in the mornings? It's beautiful, ducks swim under me with their chicks in tow, the pond is virtually empty, sun is now shining.  Delicious and delightful. Need I say more?

Water temp: higher than an MP's pay rise Late, late afternoon swim. Not nearly as busy as yesterday. Took the time to soak up some rays and not look at girls in their thongs, what's that all about? Well I can see what it's all about, the bare faced cheek of it all.

Water temp: 23 degrees There's a lot of after-school noise coming from The Lido today and the air is thick with the smell of sun cream and testosterone. The regulars have scarpered and the wetsuits, well who cares what happened to them. This is a day for bigger bellies and bags of multi-pack crisps, normality as been restored. The water is warm and cloudy and the atmosphere is a bit tense, apparently there was some trouble here yesterday. I'm plotted up with my middle sister and my nephew, sitting in the spot we used to sit with my my Mum when we were kids. Time for a dip.

Water temp: 21 degrees Beautiful day in London, I've been stuck in King's Cross all day, I feel a trip to the ponds is in order. There's a lot of flesh on display today. I sat in the changing rooms and roasted myself for 20 minutes at 23 degrees C, only 20 minutes mind you, best not to over baste yourself at the Men's Pond. Executed dive of the year off the spring board, I even managed to make the spring board spring a little bit. The early evening water is delicious and delightful. Two laps, two more dives and a little drop more sunshine to dry me off. Listened to the Hampstead chatter. Not a bad thing to do on your way home from work.

Water temp: delicious Much needed swim after a sweltering 5K Parkrun this morning. GB did a very respectable dive, respect. Water felt cool and refreshing. Did a couple of lengths and then chatted to lifeguard Dan about the geekiness of the new cyclist. Beautiful morning marred slightly by the massive bass of the run for life event taking place at the fairground. Dripped off home to prepare for my son's birthday BBQ.

Water temp: 18 degrees My sister met outside, we'd sort of agreed a time, neither of us stuck to it, we arrived at the same time. She got in at the shallow end and waded, I dived in at the deep end. We exchanged pleasantries to each other as we passed. Asthma's really bugging me this morning, mind is willing, chest needs a pair of water wings. I lose count of my lengths fairly quickly, I'm using GF's goggles this morning, they cloud up and slow me down, my sister catches me up and laps me. When we were little I used to beat her quite easily in swimming races (she's four years younger than me), till one day she came gliding passed me, I couldn't catch her, she was so happy, I've never forgotten the look on her face, I think that was at The Lido. She's a much better swimmer than me, I can beat her in a race these days but she still swims so gracefully. We discussed the swimming style of the famous swimmer then went about our daily business.

Water temp: 19 degrees Summer's here. have I said that before? It's my son's birthday, I've taken the day off work to spend time with him. However, me being me, I've snuck off for a quiet swim and a laze in the sun. If I'd have found my goggles I would have gone to The Lido. I execute a masterful dive from the springboard, I'm the judge and I never saw it, felt good tho'. I feel much better today, I've been feeling rough since the weekend. It was so peaceful today in the water, all I could hear was distant heath laughter and the sound of my fingers caressing the water. Lounged around for a quarter of an hour and returned home for more birthday celebrations. Happy Birthday DW.

Water temp: 16 degrees I really don't feel very well, I really don't know what has possessed me to go swimming, it must be be the lovely warm evening. Went home to sleep it off.