Poolside Percy

I'm in there somewhere Photo: Ham & High

Water temp: depends on what you believe in I'm on The Heath. This is good. This is always good. I'm on my way home. This is also good. I'm going to swing by the ponds to check what time the swimming races are held tomorrow. I've never taken part, but that could change this year. I shouldn't really take part, I've not been well, I'm definitely not well enough to swim today, I can't shake this rhatid cold off. Despite the clouds, cold and damp it's a lovely morning on The Heath. There's a poster on the board at the men's pond which has the time of tomorrow's races. Great, that means I don't have to deal with the wit and vagueness of the lifeguards. Hey, the sun is coming out. Water temperature is six degrees, I don't believe in Santa Claus either. The sun has come out. It's a shame that I'm not well enough to go swimming. Obviously I ignore myself and swim anyway, what harm could it possibly do? I swim a bit of fr...

Lunchtime dip

Water temp: 7 degrees Wow. What a beautiful morning, what a cold morning. As per, I don't remember making any concious decisions which led me to the men's pond, I just seem to have turned up here with my trunks and swimming hat. My right leg just seems to be lowering itself in to some dark, cold pond water. It's not that cold you know, definitely swimmable. Round the farthest buoy and around the dark side of the jetty we go, I'm not in for more than two or three minutes, I'm sure this could be quite enjoyable once you acclimatise yourself. I stand gasping and glistening in the morning sunshine. First swim of December. I bump in to Paul the dustman doing his rounds with his happy crew on Millfield Lane. I've not seen his smiling face since he got married and moved to Brighton. It's great to see him. He removes his glove and shakes my hand, he's a gentleman is Paul, there's no 'appier bloke. Isn't it good luck to shake hands with a du...

Water temp: 9 degrees

Block of Icicles Water temp: 9 degrees It's Friday morning folks. I peer out of the steamed-up window of my warm and toasty cottage in to the dark and misty gloom. Yep, trip to the lido I reckon. I ignore the will I, won't I argument that ensues relentlessly in my head, it's gonna be worth it. I bump in to this block of Icicles on an outing from Brockwell Lido. I take their photo. OK, water's cold but we've been in this situation before, my brain has it all worked out, we have a strategy, I hope. I swim a couple of lengths, well, I did a bit of wading, that's my brain's way of dealing with it. I take control of the situation and decide to do widths instead, that way I won't be tempted to put my feet on the floor. That works, I swim a few widths before scurrying off for an incredibly hot shower.  By the time I'm changed the Icicles are just getting out of the pool. Hardcore. Respect.

Water temp: 10 degrees Wow, despite the cold nights and early mornings the water is still 10 degrees. I saw the lifeguard chalking the numbers on the board so it must be true. Two numbers is definitely better than one. The place is empty today, devoid of all human existence, apart from lifeguard that is.   I have never seen so much algae in the men's pond, it looks like congealed spinach soup, very cold congealed spinach soup. I swim a lap keeping my mouth well and truly closed. I feel great, I feel alive, I'm so glad that I make the effort to do this. However, I need to stay in the water longer, a visit to The Lido is well overdue, I have a winter season ticket, I must use it.

Water temp: 10 degrees Work. Lunchtime. Who's up for a control-alt-delete my existence supermarket meal deal lunch? Not me. I have other plans. Quick cycle from Camden Town to Hampstead Heath and the men's pond. There are loads of people here today. I arrive just in time to see the Spanish guy fall off the paddle board. I swap a few pleasantries with the funny man who wears a wetsuit. I can't believe the water is 10 degrees, it's been 10 degrees for weeks. It feels more like six degrees as it burns in to my forearms as I swim a rubbish combination of breaststroke and frontcrawl. I really should/could stay in a little bit longer I tell myself as I paddle furiously back to the jetty.

Harold Lloyd looks on as Buster Crabbe gives his daughter, Gloria, a swimming lesson at his Beverly Hills estate. Buster won a gold medal for swimming at the 1932 Olympics before becoming a film star.

Water temp: 10 degrees I'm on an exciting lunchtime mission to the Men's Pond. Oh my, what a beautiful day, what a fantastic swim.

Another fantastic Saturday morning. My two favourite photos of the day   What Katie and I did next

Water temp: 12.1 degrees

Water temp: 12.1 degrees A cold, damp and muddy Saturday morning was turned in to something magnificent with a swim and a bit of sunshine. I peddled home feeing elated and very much alive.

A surprise visit to see my Mum on her birthday. Obviously a post lunch swim in the sea is on the birthday cards. It's a fantastic afternoon, the sun is slowly setting behind Walmer beach. The sea is silvery blue and enticing. I waste no time and slip in to the English Channel, the water isn't exactly cold considering it's the last day of October. I swim far enough so I can see my Mum and step-dad who wave at me, silhouetted on the top of the steep pebbly bank. As I cycle out of Charing Cross Station on my way home I catch the tail end of Critical Mass, I've not been on one those in years, it's Halloween, what the hell. I soon find myself peddling round Piccadilly and up Regent Street flanked by ghoulish skateboarders and cyclists wrapped in tinfoil. Tourists smile and cheer, cabbies look bemused, London innit. As the procession turns left up Oxford Street I carry on north. It was great, as fun as the original Critical Masses, but less aggressive. ...

 

Water temp: 13 degrees I miss all the ladies this morning but manage to salvage the last croissant from the bottom of the unisex box. I volunteered at Parkrun this morning, split timer, it was was fun shouting times at people as they ran past. I mess about with the Spanish bloke, he won't get in, keeps dipping his feet in the water then shrieking and yelling. I call him a 'big girl's blouse' in his mother tongue. He looks at me bewilderedly and replies: "I'm a large lady shirt?" I shrug wondering what 'lost in translation' is in Spanish. Time to give up and go swimming before I cause a diplomatic incident. The water has been 13 degrees for ages, months even, I don't believe a digit of it. Quick paddle in the pond, feels cold and makes my joints ache.  My shoulder hurts when I swim front crawl. I'm due to do a relay race at Brockwell Lido in a few weeks, I'd better get my act together.

Water temp: 13 degrees It feels like it's been raining for days, the Heath is very damp and muddy. I think we had one shower of biblical proportions during the week which I was the intended recipient. Speaking of biblical, I'm at the Men's Pond with GB. He's well happy 'cos he just picked up his Parkrun 50 t-shirt. He's been waiting very patiently for it for months. The water at edge of the pond is luminous green, like tinned pea soup but with extra algae. I'd best keep my mouth shut, say nothing, I didn't do it, I wasn't there. You can see the green shore in the photo. Thirteen degrees my arse. The water feels very cold, and gnaws at my aching muscles, I manage to swim around the nearest buoy and back to the jetty. They'll be bringing the ropes in soon I reckon. My mind and self have to be elsewhere, off to Olympia with my son, he wants to go to a language seminar. It's all Greek to me.

Special offer at David Lloyd which I neither resist nor afford. Heated outdoor swimming pool on my doorstep, mine for the next five months. I will still still be visiting the Men's Pond and The Lido regularly. I never swim indoors, I like to swim lots of lengths, the nearest heated outdoor pool is London Fields, miles away. I don't have to justify my choice to anybody, apparently I do. First world problems. Thursday late afternoon. The grey canopy of the sky hangs over Finchley like an unwashed neck curtain, it hangs so low it's like a roof, I might have well have swum indoors. Is it too late for a refund? Hey, pool to myself. It's not that warm but it will do, it will have to do, I'm paying for this. The chlorinated water tastes strange. I plough up and down, I'm back to counting lengths, short lengths. I wonder what I'm doing here, a private health club. I sit in the jacuzzi contemplating and justifying my choice. There are some very overweigh...

Great write-up, pictures and tweets from Saturday. Nice one Icicle Pete [ View the story "Camden, cake and crawl: Just another Saturday morning with The Swimmer" on Storify ]

Water temp: 13 degrees Cycled up from my new work home in Mornington Crescent for a quick Tuesday lunchtime lap of the Men's Pond. Cool and serene.  

Water - 60.0F / 15.6C Air - 52.0F / 11.1C Monday morning, day is dawning, I is yawning. Cold and overcast, looks like rain. I swim up and down a couple of times, under the pontoon (freaks me out) and out to the orange buoy. Nice swim, I'm looking forward to coming here again on Saturday with The Swimmers. I've pretty much recovered from this Bell's palsy malarkey, I still get the odd mouth full of water when I'm not expecting it, I usually end up swallowing it. The talk in the changing room amongst the chattering classes is of water temperature and how best to make tea. That's first world problems for you. My Dad used to say: "What's better than a cup of tea? Two cups of tea." Me? No thank you. I'll stick with the Serpentine water.  

Normally in this situation I'd feel like I'm in a 60s film. The late summer sun rises above the West End as I dash across the narrow London streets, barely looking out for cars and taxis. I run out in to the Strand and past The Savoy and Simpson's in the direction of Trafalgar Square, dodging half 'a dozen tourists and some loved-up ravers. A beautiful girl is hot in my pursuit. I'm hot, thirsty and I'm running late for a train that won't wait for me. I'm going to see my Mum in Walmer, I can't miss this train. I feel rubbish, my head is pounding. I had my first drink in weeks last night, the first since Bell's Palsy, I forget how many, I don't remember the last drink of the night, it probably wasn't that long ago. GF and I slump in to our seats on the train, panting and sweating, we made it with moments to spare. I managed to grab a really expensive fizzy drink in the station, it will sort me out. I glug it down. Oh the horror, I...

Water temp: 16 degrees Bell's palsy : week 4 Saturday morning. I've just taken part in another Parkrun, SB got another PB. No GB and Action Danless today, so I'm taking a lazy, lonesome stroll down the avenue of lime trees. It was sunny a minute ago but a big grey cloud just pulled up and it doesn't look like it's going anywhere. I pass the East German Loud Ladies Swimming Team walking in the opposite direction, they're all done at the ponds then, joy. The changing rooms are deserted, makes a stark contrast to yesterday. A very solitary me swims a solitary lap of the pond. More joy. The rain starts to fall. I'd better make a dash for it just like Geoffrey Ingram, Geoffrey always gets home as it starts to rain Summer time farewell tune

Water temp: 16 degrees Bell's palsy : week 4 Another late afternoon swim at the ponds. There are a lot of people here today, all making the most of what is quite possibly the last day of summer. The bloomin' algae has reappeared, I'd better try and keep my semi-lopsided mouth well and truly shut. The springboard lies sadly broken. I swim a couple of luxurious laps before heading off to go rugby boot shopping at Ace Sports in Kentish Town.

Water temp: 17 degrees Bells palsy: week 3 Thursday pre-work swim. I set out to swim 18 lengths but I'm not really getting in to my rhythm. I think I left my swimming mojo at home. Now I'm feeling cold, it's 17 degrees, am I really going to swim through the winter again? Not worth thinking about. Maybe if I wade the next length. Fourteen is more than enough.

Water temp: 16 degrees Very chilled out Wednesday lunchtime swim. Sometimes it really is worth so much more than the effort. The trees sway in the warm breeze, basking in the early October sunshine, not one of them relinquishing a single leaf. Unbelievable weather. Afternoon appointment with at the Ear, Throat and Lopsided Face Hospital. Apparently I'm making a great recovery. I've seen promotions for Stoptober and Sober October, I'm gonna do Goswimmingeverydaytober, let's see how long that lasts, Gotober.

Gorgeous George Water temp: 17 degrees

Water temp: 16 degrees Bell's palsy: week 3 Thursday lunchtime dip. Swimming without swimming aids today, I realise that I'm not even using them. Well that's progress folks. I'm still wearing goggles at the ponds tho' as I can't quite close my right eye properly. I'm wearing swimming hat 'cos I'm a massive wuss. Bell's bollocks is now measured in weeks rather than days.   Photo: Cold Pond Water

Water temp: 16 degrees Bell's palsy: day 20 Thursday morning pre-work swim. Managed to swim 10 lengths without snorkel or noseclip. Almost smiling properly again.

View from Serpentine Bridge Water temp: 62.0F / 16.7C Air: 52.0F / 11.1C Bell's palsy: day 18 It's far too early on Tuesday morning and I'm cycling across London to swim in The Serpentine. I happily ride around Regent's Park and merrily meander past the crowds snaking their way out of Marylebone Station. I cross the Bayswater Road and enter a dreamy, mist-filled Hyde Park. The sun has barely risen from it's slumber. Is the sun male or female I ponder as I stand upon Serpentine Bridge. This is no morning for prejudice, let's go swimming. I've arranged to meet GB at 7.45, I need him to show me the ropes, apart from visits with the swimmer faithful, I've never done an early morning swim here. He arrives pretty much on time, big smile on his mush. We're in and out of the members' intimate mixed changing room before you can say Peter Pan . I'm a member of The Serpentine Swimming Club, I just don't have a membership card, honest...

Water temp: 16 degrees Bell's palsy: day 15 Saturday morning post-Parkun swim. I'm off the steroids, nasty drug. I feel like I drank 25 cups of coffee yesterday and just downed a can of Coke for breakfast. Do you know that feeling? The post steroid buzz is probably the reason I just ran my second fastest ever Parkrun, on route b'stard as well. Still determined to get a personal b'stard on route b'stard. Very quick dip today because I have to be somewhere else which is not here. There's just enough time to swim a couple of lengths and swap pleasantries with some vagrant Brockwell Icicles, they must have drifted off their migratory path, I hope they make it home OK. One of them made this video:

Water temp: 19 degrees Bell's palsy: day 14 Friday afternoon swim. I gonna try to swim frontcrawl without snorkel and noseclip. OK, that's still not working properly, I'm still getting too much water in my lopsided mouth. Hell's Bell's. Back to the snorkel and noseclip, 27 lovely late summer lengths with my swimming aids. Indian sunbathe disrupted by English downpour, sought shelter in the café. Almost the end of The Lido summer season, two days to go, so this is probably my last Lido afternoon swim of the year.

Water temp: 16 degrees

Water temp: 19 degrees Bell's palsy: day 12 Taking the restorative Lido waters.

Sunnyish Sunday morning swim with GF Water temp: 18 degrees Bell's palsy: day 10 Well done to GB, Katie and Marcus who did the Dart10K this morning. I swam the last three of my 30 lengths thinking of you, one a piece, well done. I obviously didn't make it to Totnes, reality caught up with me.

Water temp: 18 degrees Bell's palsy: day 8 Thursday lunchtime swim on the way home from the doctors. After giving me the usual: 'And what do you expect me to do about it' look, Dr. Doctor was actually quite helpful this morning. He didn't actually advise me to do the Dart10K this weekend and he didn't tell me not to do it either, he just sat there with the fence wedged right up his backside. I hope he prescribes himself some cream for it. Meanwhile the sun is shining on The Lido. There are a handful of regulars scattered about the place. I spend a while chatting to a lovely retired lady called Ruth from Gospel Oak. It really is a stunning day. Kitted out with my snorkel and nose clip I plough up and down the pool, barely raising my goggles to check out my surroundings. The Lido clock has stopped. I have given myself until this evening to decide about the Dart10K.

Using my tinted goggles as a filter Water temp: 16 degrees (felt warmer) Bell's palsy: day 6 If you're going to test out your snorkel for an open water swim then the best place to do it is the Men's Pond. OK, let's cut this short, the steroids are making me feel quite impatient today. The lifeguards were very caring and understanding and kept a vigilant eye on me, thank you. The swim was great, I ended swimming seven laps, that's about 2KM (I cut some fairly large corners). I would have liked to have swum more but I had to get home to see my son. Maybe I'm feeling too confident about swimming on Sunday. Doubt, counter-doubt. I don't know. I'm bored of my stupid jokes about half smiles and semi-grins. I'll whistle a happy tune instead, guess not. This is where reality sets in.

Water temp: 19 degrees Bell's palsy: day 5 The Outdoor Swimming Society are allowing me to use a snorkel in the Dart10K this Sunday. All I need to do is attend an access and medical needs briefing beforehand. All I need is a snorkel... I have a snorkel which the lovely lifeguards have turned a blind eye to, funny 'cos that's how I see everything at the moment. It's another beautiful afternoon in London. The snorkel is clipped to my goggles, here we go. There's quite a lot of drag against the snorkel in the water as I push off, best to clench your teeth and get on with it, that works. Wow, this is great, I don't have to turn my head from side to side. Uh-oh, my nose is full of water. I clamber out and borrow a nose clip, not flattering but we're way beyond image at this point. Now we're cooking, amazing, I swim and swim and swim, length after length, barely looking up. I forget to count lengths. There's a whole new world down there on The ...